Friday, 26 June 2009

Connecting the Dots......

26th June 2009 - Friday - 9:59 PM

I am still at work. Looking at the screen I realise that I am unable to concentrate and need some break. My brain refuses to think and I cannot look into the excel sheet any longer.

The 2.0 world keeps me occupied with entertainment. But then again - IT companies block good websites to ensure productivity(Seriously?!). Luckily Twitter keeps me up-to-date with the latest news, gossip, and entertainment that I need. It also helps me connect quickly to my buddies.

As I type this post, I wonder - What am I doing here?

A typical rhetorical question. I know - I am not cut out for this corporate world. I know it and people around me, know it. Then why am I here? Good question.

Whilst pursuing my internship in the very same company 3 years back, I was sure I wouldn't return to it. 28th June 2006 - I finished my 2 months here and said to my boss, I think I know what I wanna do.

Today, I am back in the same office with a different boss and my x-boss 6 cubicles away from me. He said, 'Welcome back' to me on my first day 7 months back. I remembered my last words to him NOW as I glanced through my journal. A habit to look back into old emails, old posts and the old hand-written journals. To look at what I did on the same day of the month, a year or may be 2 or 3 years ago.

All the old emails brought back memories. Memories of enthusiasm, energy, zest, faith....

Today, I am penning down memories of ........

I think I know what I wanna do.

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

On making choices...!!

The human brain is considered to be very powerful. It can create and destroy relationships, moments and most importantly life. My experience living by myself as a working girl has made me realize that I can either make or break these moments that define life.

Growing up, I have never felt stressed or pressurised . The secure four walls of education, parents and friends proved to be a very strong shield. Stress related to performance, pressure from friends to ‘fit in’ – were phrases I heard, but never experienced. I did worry about things, but definitely not “stressed”. Nor did I experience any form of peer pressure. Looks like I have been lucky when it comes to having friends and acquaintances who understand and respect my choices.

My first visit to a club was at the age of 17. I made friends with people from all walks of life. And surprisingly they were all accommodative of my non-drinking habit. They didn't think I was being a spoilsport but they often had a secure feeling of someone sane being around them. My parents never worried about that either. Since alcohol was always kept in the open at home and dad would often offer to teach us (My brother and I) ‘the right way to drink’. They knew that I hated the smell and I think I was 4 when I smelt whiskey for the first time.

United kingdom was no different either. May be I felt stressed for the first time because of the intense masters course but definitely not peer pressure. I made a lot of friends and had a great time at parties. There was no necessity to ‘drink’ at all to have a good time with them. They respected my choice of juice over alcohol and in fact in many situations they would buy one just for me.

Bangalore seems to have brought up a different situation altogether. People feel threatened that I don’t drink whilst in pubs. They feel I am not contributing to the ‘fun’ evening by opting to be sober. It just doesn’t make sense. Like a good friend said – “It is indeed quite surprising for people to find open minded and enterprising independent girls say no to alcohol. I don't know why there is a prejudice of that sort or why people assume such things.”

Young adults in Bangalore come from different parts of the country, work for top notch companies and seem to have lost their identity. The sudden rush of liquid cash has changed their perception on life altogether. I am asked a lot of questions around why I don’t drink or they phrase it saying – when did you quit or why did you quit. And I answer back saying – I never quit drinking.

I am not against alcohol or those who consume alcohol. It’s a simple choice because I don’t like it. Aren’t human beings allowed to make this simple choice and not be questioned on it?

The brain is a powerful decision maker. It cant do anything humanly possible or even those impossible. Peer pressure can be good and bad. I have always seen the good side of it. Right from sports to academics to cultural activities.

After having penned down these words I feel these acquaintances are not worthy of my time. If my choice of abstaining from alcohol cannot be respected, then I rather be a fool among a bunch of intellectuals, than an intellectual among a bunch of fools.

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Wings of Change

A random source for an engaging article.. lead me to this......

Monday, 15 June 2009

7 Months and counting....

The chapter called "Corporate life" begun on the 28th of October 2008. Life has been a roller coaster ride since then. Looking back - I have changed so much. This blog is being executed whilst seating in a war room - over hearing colleagues talk money, team, profit, salary et al. But I can't seem to get my head around it.

In 7 months, I have experienced and learnt what many people would take a lifetime.
I have cherished moments with people who have now become friends for life. I have been hearing the quote that the only thing constant is change; for a very long time now and it seems to make sense. I have lived with a fabulous family, 4 girls, later 3 girls+1 boy and soon it might be just me in an apartment.

The last two months of 2008 were spent adjusting to a new life in the Silicon valley of India - Bangalore. I lived with 2 different families in this span of time and they teach taught me values I would cherish for a long time to come. From being able to juggle corporate world to a large extended family, I can safely say - I know what it feels like to not have it and have it all.

Jan 2009 ....Growing up I always dreamt of living with friends. The dream has finally come true. But the chapter is going to end soon. I have lost the long locks I had from the last time I wrote a post on this blog -my attitude to life , my way of thinking, my dreams, my dressing - have all been altered for the best - but my values are still concrete.

I am in a lot of ways appreciating life - the larger picture.

All I can say is - I am on a journey - travelling an unknown path with hands to guide me at every step. Struggle seems a far fetched word - and hence fear of having it easy sets in.

Welcome to the unknown world of a guided soul ....!!